Many people struggle to process difficult emotions because of deeply held beliefs that keep them trapped in a cycle of avoidance. These beliefs, often taught by society or culture, can make negative feelings worse over time.
Belief 1: Leave your emotions at the door
Western society has long treated emotions as a sign of weakness. The common advice is to leave feelings behind, especially at work. But emotions are not something a person can simply take off. They are internal, and trying to ignore them often gives them more control.
Research shows that everyone experiences emotions, regardless of gender, age, or background. Laughter, sadness, anger, and joy are universal. Because negative emotions are often seen as inappropriate, many people bury or hide them. They may even use substances to numb them. But the feelings remain, even if the person is not fully aware of them.
Emotions occur constantly throughout the day. A quick check of a phone can trigger a series of feelings: stress from a partner’s text, anxiety from a boss’s request, envy from a social media post, or sadness from a screen time notification. These small emotional events, called microstressors, add up. Research by Rob Cross, a professor at Babson College, shows that these tiny stresses can drain the mind and body. Even when nothing major happens, a person may feel exhausted by the end of the day. Each emotion, especially negative ones, takes a toll. Pretending the feeling is not there makes it even more tiring.
Belief 2: Suppress your emotions
When asked what their society taught them to do with big, negative emotions, most people give similar answers: hide the feelings, bottle them up, or simply “suck it up.” This approach is widespread, though not universal. Some cultures, such as parts of southern Italy, view emotional expression as healthy. Still, even people from expressive backgrounds often face pressure to suppress their feelings at times.
Suppression is the most common method for handling difficult emotions, but it is also the least effective. Studies show it makes a person feel worse, harms physical health, and damages relationships. People who suppress emotions tend to have fewer close friends, more negative feelings, less social support, lower life satisfaction, poorer memory, and higher blood pressure.
Suppression does not make emotions go away. It makes them stronger. For example, anger increases inflammation, heart rate, and blood pressure. When a person suppresses anger, the brain shows even more activity in emotion centers. Heart rate and blood pressure rise further. Suppression is like shaking a soda can. Everything looks calm until the top opens and the contents explode. This can lead to outbursts that surprise others.
An emotion is energy. If it is not processed, it settles in the body or mind. It can cause stomachaches, migraines, or other physical symptoms. Suppressed anger may also come out as passive aggression, which slowly damages relationships over time.
Emotional suppression keeps a person stuck. Hiding an emotion does not free the person from it. Resisting feelings gives them power. Full emotional outbursts are not a good solution either, but they are hard to control, especially during stressful times like sleepless nights after having a child. The key is to find a way to work through emotions rather than avoid or suppress them.
